Well, I can't believe that I didn't do anything since the beginning of February. I am so sorry. Holly even reminded me. I feel like my head is swimming in Peanut butter without the honey.
This past week Cam has been really sick, and a big worry to me. He seems a little better, so we'll see how things go today.
WHY DO I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT?
Dang. At 30 I weighed 105. At 40 I weighed 110. At 50 I wieghed 120. I am now almost 54 and I don't even come close to being who I really am. I have been in a major depression the past year for obvious reasons (my husband hit a tree on a sled last year and became a paraplegic. I am his full-time caregiver). Lately when I go on an errand, I don't come home for hours because I can hardly face everyday life anymore.
Well, I am taking charge and getting rid of the depression fat. When the accident first happened, I couldn't eat because of worry. I lost 20 pounds, and had to get all new pants. Then, the worry caused me to eat anything chocolate that crossed my path. I walked across a lot of chocolate! I gained back the lost pounds, and then gained 20 more. That's not me! I have always had a wonderful figure (which, granted, is not THE most important thing in the world....) and didn't hesitate to put on a swim suit, shorts, slightly tight pants ;), or run and play with my grandkids. Now, I feel like a slouch, hate to look in the mirror, faint at the thought of showing anything but my sandalled feet during the summer- bathing suit begone! I can hardly walk up a flight of stairs without becoming winded, and when someone puts their arm around my waist, or hugs me from behind, I am mortified!
Ok, all feeling sorries aside, I want to find ME again. Not the person who hides in the back room eating chocolate to feel better. I want to feel sexy again for my husband, but most importantly for me. I don't want to turn my head when I walk past a mirror anymore. I don't want to put on baggy pants so I don't cringe at myself. I don't want to cry when I look in the mirror before a shower anymore. But number one, I want to have self-control again and know that I am important enough in my busy life to count, if for no one else but me! That's my WHY.
OK now, I got to my highest running thing at the gym- 2.5 incline and 4.0 mph. I even jogged a little, but I got my mile, and then rode the bike 12 miles. It is getting a little easier, and I STARTED at 4.0 mph, not ended. That's a first! I am down to 142.4. I will join you for the 5K, and will probably walk fast most of the way, but it sounds like a fun day. I am going to really practice hard to get it moving with less jiggle!
Have a wonderful week, all!
Sharon
6 comments:
Good to hear from you Sharon. I didn't know about your husband. What a stressful thing to go thru. My mom has a good friend that was hit by a drunk driver about 16 years ago and is a paraplegic. It really changes your life. We are here for you. Keep up the good work.
Thank you, Patty! Our lives have definitely been changed, and we just keep on going no matter what. Every day above ground is a good day, my mother-in-law says!
YAY you posted!
That was kind of a hard question to answer wasn't it? It made us all think about things, and admit things to ourselves that were hard! You have definately had some very unimaginable trials over this past year mom. Nobody can even try to understand what you are going through and be halfway right. I hope you know that you are not alone. You have a great support chain, however, you are the one who taught ME to be so strong and self reliant, so I KNOW that you dont ask for help when you really need it. Using that help could really help alliviate some of that stress lady! Stress is a reason that fat stays with us.
You are beautiful already, and I am not just saying that because you are my mother! It makes me sad that you cry when you pass a mirror, you are way to hard on yourself. I hope that this journey will help you to realize that your beauty is inside and out. I also hope that you will accomplish everything that you want in your life.
I am excited that you are going to do the 5k with us-Make sure you get a good pair of shoes so you dont hurt yourself though!
Well I hope your day goes well, and I hope Cam is feeling better today. Love you!
Way to go sharon, your doing so great with all of your struggles. I remember thinking last year when I had heard about Cam,"Oh my how is she going to survive?" But you know what, you have stepped up to the plate with these challenges and you are showing us all that we are strong enough to handle anything we want. You are an inspiration to all wives and women that don't think they are good enough to handle challanges. You will get control over this just as you have done with every thing else this past year. You are a wonderful mom and wife, and you deserve to have this for yourself.
Awe, Sharon, I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Your life has been turned upside down with Cam's accident and I can't even imagine! I think you need to take YOU time to go to the gym and get all that stress off your shoulders! I SO know what you mean with the chocolate...it's my weakness too (and I don't know how to make your YUMMY fudge!).
Hang in there. I agree with Holly about accepting help and ASKING for help. It's hard to do, but you really do have so many people surrounding you who love and care about you. We just want to see you happy and HEALTHY. The stress of everything isn't good for your body!
(((HUGS)))
You guys made me cry.
Thank you so much.
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